Whole Wide World

I just want to be able to live as myself again.
After this long, I've come to realize no one really knows who I am. I've become incredibly good at faking. Lying. Hiding. I can be the happiest girl in the whole wide world.
I know how to laugh on cue.
I know how to smirk, joke, entertain, flirt.
I can be sweet, funny, and attentive for hours on end.
I just wish someone would see what's really going on. I wish someone would know who I really am. I don't want to tell, because I'd probably lie.
Just because I say I'm OK doesn't mean I am. Just because I've restored my weight doesn't mean everything's all better. Just because I say it is doesn't mean my eating disorder is in the past.
If you don't read my blog, you really have no idea.
The happiest girl is also the best liar in the whole wide world.